Friday, February 25, 2005

having a bad friend, being a bad friend

Auuuggh! I just got a call on my voicemail at work, from a woman who I was close friends with from about 1996-1998. I gradually realized she was toxic in certain ways, and I didn't want to be friends with her anymore. I won't go into them here, but suffice it to say she had a lot of emotional problems, was very self-absorbed, had been deceitful, had put me in some weird positions/situations and basically she needed therapy, badly. Close to the end, I told her about some of my issues with our friendship. She appeared to be listening. The next time we talked, she told me she had figured out the problem -- I was hard to get along with when I was on my period. Hmmmmmmmm.

So anyway, I gave up and stopped calling her or making plans with her. Then, on a whim, I called her to see if she wanted to come to my law school graduation. I shouldn't have done this, since I was not ready to be friends with her. She was happy I called (and she came). During the same phone call, she asked me to be her maid of honor at her upcoming wedding. ?????? We hadn't even spoken in weeks, maybe months. I didn't know what to do. In horror, I heard myself saying, "OK," even as in my mind I was desperately screaming, "No! No! What are you doing!? Why would you be her bridesmaid! You can barely stand her! No! No! No!" But I guess I was too afraid of her reaction if I said no. She could turn evil in a second and really hurt my feelings. She had, as someone else observed, "a highly developed sense of being wronged." Back then, I was less secure and a lot more afraid to tell someone something they wouldn't want to hear. I was afraid of what they might say to me. I have learned that a lot of what other people do and say is not about me -- it's about them. Anyway. I didn't know what to do about the wedding thing. So I did the only sensible thing. When I moved, all my numbers changed and I never contacted her. She had called me at my old number several times, but I never responded.
Now I'm in a different town, different job, and it's been five years since I've seen her. She left a friendly but hesitant voicemail and said she hoped I'd call her back. I know I need to call her. I'm glad she found me, because I wouldn't have known how to get in touch with her.

Update since I started writing this: I called her. She was very happy to hear from me. Me dropping off the face of the earth was the elephant in the living room that no one was mentioning for a few minutes. I broached the subject and she said, "Girl, I'm not worrying about that. I'm just glad you called me." That made me happy. It was actually really good to talk to her. She was pregnant and about to be married when we last talked. Now she's been married happily for five years and has two kids. She says her husband helped her through a lot of what she was going through at the time. Yay. Maybe we can pick up again where we left off... and maybe not....but in any case, I won't do that again. I'm glad she found me now, because pretty soon, it woulda been a lot harder to find me. I've thought about trying to find her several times and didn't ever get around to it. So I'm happy that a weird unfinished situation is tied up all pretty.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Leaving My Job! Selling My House! Selling My Car! Moving!

I'm leaving my job and moving! More on that later. (Maybe.) After this week, I have one full week left plus three days at work. CRAZY! I'm excited about moving on. That's why I've hardly posted here, because I've been focused on this stuff. It's strange that I'm going. I'm trying to turn over work duties, projects, etc. and put a bunch of the stuff that's in my head into binders (probably should have done that before), etc. It's stressful, but mostly when I hear people talking about work stuff I'm glad that I don't have to worry about any of it pretty soon. Not that I don't like my job - I do - it's just not what I'm meant to do forever. I am getting clothes together and buying things and giving away other things and doing all manner of things in order to get ready to go. I will be selling my house for a little profit -- which will pay off my law school loans, woohoo! Anyway, that's that for all that right now. And THAT, for the 2.5 people who were wondering, is why I haven't posted anything lately.


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